


Aunt Pandy's Crash Course in Very Legal Activities

by green_piggy



Series: everyone teaches poppi how to not listen to authories [1]
Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: And a tiny bit of - Freeform, Extremely Mild Spoilers for pandoria's backstory, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, THEYRE ALL SO GOOD everyone in this game is so good, also the torna dlc was : D amirite, anyway i LOVE them i WANT TO SEE THEM GROW UP HEALTHY AND STRONG AND LOVED AND, because of course, but yeah overall it's just Fun Times, it is Not a tiny bit of freeform ignore the freedom part thank you auto-complete ao3 tags, just blades having fun doing dubiously legal activities!, like it's in one line, morags only at the end it's 90 percent pandy and poppi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16030358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_piggy/pseuds/green_piggy
Summary: Pandoria teaches Poppi how to pick locks. It’s for a good cause, she swears!





	Aunt Pandy's Crash Course in Very Legal Activities

**Author's Note:**

> I love looking at the Blade skills and wondering how the skills relate to them/why those skills was chosen for that particular character (ie Poppi QT has Lockpicking. So does Pandoria. I rest my case).
> 
> so taa-daaaaah somehow that simple observation led to All of This. i spent like. two hours watching and reading manuals on how to lockpick and i also wrote most of this at 2am bc it's the only time i can write apparently
> 
> if, like me, you love having visual refs, the location where most of the story takes place [is here!](https://cdn.staticneo.com/ew/4/41/XBC2-CH03-Fonsa_Myma-01.jpg)
> 
> and i hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> _if you're generous enough to leave a comment - which automatically makes you Awesome - PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE TORNA THE GOLDEN COUNTRY DLC SPOILERS._ not a single one. i've finished it but don't want anyone to accidentally see spoilers lmao

“Is what Pandoria teach Poppi legal?” Poppi asked, her arms flapping at her sides in an _utterly adorable_ motion that only Poppi could make look cute.

Pandoria resisted the urge to coo and squish her cheeks, and instead turned to look at her fellow Blade, fists on her hips. “Absolutely not!” she chirped, and then dropped her voice. “But, uh, keep that on the lowdown, yeah?”

She thrust a hand into the air. “Understood!”

Grinning, Pandoria slapped her hands against one another and turned back to their target; an already-opened treasure chest that she had rigged shut earlier on the day, while no one had been looking. It had required a bit of lockpicking fitness _and_ fortitude (however _that_ related to opening chests, she’d never be sure, but apparently Ursula standing - or, to be more apt, sleeping on her polar bear companion - next to the chest was enough to open it. Along with Pandoria’s _amazing_ lockpicking skills, of course), but she was certain (hoping) that her nimble fingers would be enough for now.

Pandoria cracked her fingers. “Alright! Let’s get started!”

“Yay!”

_Architect_ , Pandoria would adopt Poppi as her own daughter if she could.

She pushed up her glasses with a grin. “Aunt Pandy’s only gonna go through the bare bone basics; I don’t wanna risk anyone finding us here.”

The risk _should_ have been fairly low; it was late at night, Fonsa Myma itself a virtually silent city, save for the trickling waterways that oozed down the staircase over their head. If she strained her ears, she could hear the occasional cheer or yell from the theatre far above, but there was no noise outside of that.

Still, Mòrag tended to stay up late, and her prince had more sleepless nights than what he’d want to admit, so she didn’t want to remain out _too_ late.

“Why did Aunt Pandy want to teach Poppi?”

_Ooooooh,_ Aunt! _Aunt!_ A-u-n-t! She’d actually said it! Pandoria _loved_ Poppi, sweet Architect. “‘Cause no one else in our little group seems like the lockpicking type, y’know?”

Poppi's face fell. “And Poppi does?”

“Poppi, the day you become a criminal is the day I don’t need glasses.”

Fun fact; she didn’t _actually_ need glasses. What kind of Blade had _terrible_ eyesight, for crying out loud? But they were a funky look, and no one else needed to know that.

Just as intended, Poppi’s eyes lit up. “Thank you, Aunt Pandy!”

Oh she was going to _melt_. “Hehe, you’re welcome!” She sat on top of the chest, tugging her hands under her thighs. “I just figured since this--” She thrust her arms out at Poppi’s maid outfit, which shouldn’t have been as adorable as it was. “--is a fairly new form for you, might as well learn some handy tricks! Lockpicking _always_ comes in handy, one way or another.”

“It does?”

“ _Totally_!”

Poppi hummed. She then leaned forward, arms at her side, the very image of curiosity. “Where did Aunt Pandy learn lockpicking?”

Pandoria frowned, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth in thought. “Hmm… I guess shortly after Zeke and I started traveling? We…”

They hadn’t always had good days. There had been many days where they’d gone without food and basic necessities, equal fault laying on Zeke’s inability to accept compensation for _anything_ and the poverty that naturally came with constant travel. She still remembered her first time lockpicking; jamming a wrench into a shop lock late at night, money purse empty, while her prince laid shivering and fever-ridden in the only room the local inn had available. She’d been _frightened_ ; not for _her_ own life, not for losing _her_ memories, but solely for _Zeke_ . It was impossible to forget the - _wrongness,_ of holding stale bread and preserved meat and pills in her hands, and knowing that - well, that the shop owner would come in the next morning to find all of that missing.

Honestly, she had thought she wouldn’t have minded, stealing necessities for her prince, but she had been shaking when she had returned to the inn, hood tugged low over her face. Zeke, bless him, had been too flushed and kind of dying to ask at the time where she’d gotten medication from, and by the time he was feeling well enough to actually inquire, she was able to lie and say that she’d bought them in the morning.

That had been the first time, but it definitely hadn’t been the last. She had _never_ taken any luxury items, only what had been absolutely necessary, but…

A gentle ‘bop’ on her head. “Aunt Pandy?”

“S-sorry!” She flashed a grin at a very worried looking Poppi, her eyes scrunched into an adorable frown. “Got lost in my own thoughts, haha.”

“Thoughts about what?”

“Hmm…”

Poppi rested a hand on Pandoria’s shoulder, looking far too grave for what the situation really was. “Pandoria not need to say.”

“Nah, it’s nothin’.” She sighed. “Just remembering the time Zeke found me stealing stuff.” Nervously laughing, she rubbed the back of her neck and glanced away. Gah, she could _feel_ her tail drooping.

Poppi frowned. “Zeke not happy?”

“Understatement of the _century,_ kiddo.” She cupped her cheek in her hand. “I’d only ever seen him that mad one time before.” When Eulogimenos had expelled them from Genbu, but even then, Zeke’s quiet fury had been one that chilled the snows of Tantal itself. “He didn’t talk to me for, like, a week after.”

“That bad?”

“ _Stealing’s_ bad, Poppi.” Her foot kicked against the chest with a 'thunk'. “Still, I never - never took anything apart from what we absolutely needed. Pretty sure he would have _died_ if I hadn’t nicked a few things every now and again.” She sighed again. “Like, it sucks, and in an ideal world? No one’d ever have to steal!”

“Alrest far from ideal world,” came Poppi’s wise words.

“You’re _maybeeeee_ a bit young to be sayin’ that, but big agree.” Pandoria tapped her fingers against her cheek. “Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. And it’s not like Princey would ever criticise anyone else who has to steal; he just has, like, _insanely_ high standards for himself. Doesn’t let himself have anything nice.”

“So like Rex!”

“Yeah, like Rex,” she murmured. No wonder those two got on so well; they were both as self-sacrificing as anyone could come. Mòrag didn’t set the best example, either, but at least she _occasionally_ allowed herself the odd nice thing or two. Like those skincare products she insisted she didn’t use, but Pandoria always caught her and Brighid sharing in the early hours of the morning.

“ _Any-way_!” She smacked her foot against the chest, louder than before. “We didn’t come here to be all philosophical and crap. Let’s get this baby open!”

“Poppi just happy to spend time with Aunt Pandy.”

“ _You_ ,” Pandoria whispered, “are how I am gonna die, one of these days. From cuteness overload.”

“Pardon?”

“Nothin’, nothing.” She pushed herself off the chest. Water surrounded them on all sides; they were wedged tight underneath the gigantic staircase that pierced the centre of Fonsa Myma. Uraya’s stomach stretched out far ahead of them; it was a weatherless night, with only the odd cloud drifting in the sky, but at least it wasn’t raining water or blossoms. “You've got a wrench, right?”

Poppi tilted her head.

Pandoria groaned. “You’re a literal _robot_ , how do you not have one?” she grumbled under her breath. Still, she fished about in her pockets a little and pulled out a well-worn thin length of metal, one that was beginning to rust at the ends. She was oddly attached to it, despite it being a literal rod that you could find just about anywhere. It was _her_ little wrench. “I usually use this for picking locks, you should probably get your own. Most locks are pretty similar for whatever reason.” A monopoly on the lock industry, perhaps, or limited resources that doomed all locks to be identical? Or maybe they were all just lazy. She couldn’t blame them, to be honest.

And it was from there that, with quite a bit of effort, she walked Poppi through the basics. About how to gently press down on the inside with the wrench, running over each bump until you found the largest one, and how to unpick it from there. About how you had to be _careful_ , or else you could mess the whole thing up and have an absolute _nightmare_ of a lock to unpick.

“Lockpicking much more difficult than Poppi expected,” Poppi murmured when Pandoria had finished talking.

“Yeah, there’s a reason why not everyone goes about doin’ it.”

“Poppi thought that because stealing bad?”

“Haha… not everyone’s got a moral compass as strong as yours, Pop.” With a grunt, Pandoria pushed herself off the chest into a crouch, making sure to swing one arm in the air and the other across her face as she did so. “Now it’s _your_ turn!”

“Poppi did not hear any of that. Aunt Pandy mumbling into elbow again.”

Well, _damn_ , if that didn’t make her _awesome_ pose lose all of its awesomeness with immediate effect. Coughing, Pandoria stood up with a swing of her arms.

“It’s your turn, kiddo.” She pressed her beloved wrench into Poppi’s hands. They were, for the most part, exactly what you would expect mechanical hands to feel like; slick, too smooth to be human flesh, no scabs or calluses or any sort of blemish. She had hollows in her hands, yes, and the odd raise of bolts and nuts, but it was nothing like a human’s own.

And yet… Pandoria swore that she could feel a faint warmth, one that all life possessed, when she squeezed her fingers around Poppi’s own. Poppi squeezed back; with a smile. Pandoria let go.

"Just this once, you can use my wrench.” She put a hand on her hip and raised her other one. “But be sure to get your own!”

“Poppi will do!”

Much to her barely-concealed glee, it took Poppi no time at all. Within just a few seconds of tinkering at the lock, Pandoria heard the beautiful, _beautiful_ familiar ‘click’ of the lock springing open. Grinning, Poppi wiggled the lock out of where it had been resting. It clinked on the floor as she gripped both sides of the chest’s top and pushed it open. The top rattled against the pillar they were standing next to, and Pandoria almost jumped at the loud sound, but her attention was caught by Poppi’s radiant smile as she turned to her. Who needed the Mor Adrain Titan when Poppi’s smile could provide enough energy to last anyone a thousand years?

“Poppi did it!!”

There was, of course, nothing inside, given that it was a chest they had already looted, but that didn’t diminish Poppi’s brilliant efforts in the _slightest_.

“You sure did! That was _amazing,_ Pop!” Pandoria pulled her into a quick hug, letting go with a squeal. “Ooooooh, I am _so_ proud!”

“Thank you, Aunt Pandy!”

Pandoria couldn’t stop herself; she held Poppi’s cheeks between her palms with a giant grin. “Do you know how _amazing_ you are, Poppi? Not just for this, just - in general! You’re _incredible_!”

Machines weren’t meant to be able to blush, Pandoria was pretty sure, but Poppi’s cheeks were _definitely_ warming under her hands. Pandoria let go and spoke before Poppi could: “Anyway, we really should go get some sleep! Long day tomorrow, all that.”

“Does Aunt Pandy want piggyback?”

“Uh…” Her first instinct was to go _“can you really lift me?”_ , but then she remembered that Poppi was probably capable of carrying the Argentum Titan, if she really wanted to. A teeny Blade like herself wouldn’t be a hassle at _all_. And, besides, if it saved her from walking...

“Sure!”

Poppi yanked her wrists. “Hold on tight!” she said with a serious frown, and before Pandoria could speak, they were whizzing off in the air, Pandoria trying very hard not to scream. It wasn’t like she wasn’t _used_ to this speed - Zeke wasn’t called ‘Thunderbolt’ just because of her element - but she _was_ used to being the one in control. And she trusted Poppi, she really did, but this was _way too fast_ and Architect did they just miss a cat--

“Here we are!”

Pandoria wobbled on her feet, her wrists aching from where Poppi had held them iron-tight. “T-thanks,” she murmured, and then promptly flopped over the wooden railing in front of the inn.

Poppi’s upside down face shot into her view. “Is Aunt Pandy okay!?”

She snorted, unable to help her smile. “I’m fine, Pop.” Weakly, she reached up a finger to boop Poppi’s nose, then sighed and pushed herself up. She felt ready to sleep for a _week_. “Let’s go get some rest, yeah?”

Poppi nodded and flashed Pandoria a thumbs-up.

The poor man at the counter - Dellin, if Pandoria remembered his name correctly - looked ready to nod off himself, but he gave them a friendly smile as they came in. Pandoria waved a hand in greeting, breaking herself off with a mighty yawn.

And then, as soon as they turned--

“And what time do you call this?” came a familiar crisp voice. Pandoria’s eyes zoomed in on the lone figure sitting at the end of the table, and she wanted the earth to swallow her up whole.

“Mòrag!” Poppi greeted, clearly not comprehending the gravity of the current situation. Mòrag knew more ways to murder a person that Pandoria knew species of fish.

Much to her surprise, however, Mòrag just gave them a soft smile, hands softly gripping the knee of one of her crossed legs. “It’s good to see you two. Poppi, Pandoria. I was beginning to grow concerned.”

“You’re, uh, not mad at us?”

Mòrag raised her eyebrows. “For what?” She was still in her perfectly pressed work uniform, hat and all. At first glance, she was the very paragon of a soldier. Pandoria, though, had been traveling with her for a fair few months now, and now that she knew where to look, it was impossible to miss the shadows that hung heavy under her eyes, the eternal crease between wrinkled eyebrows, the yawns that she tried to conceal by clenching her jaw tight. Guilt ate at Pandoria’s chest.

“...Sorry if we kept you up.”

Mòrag shook her head, still smiling. “You did no such thing. I was… restless, tonight. Sleep would not come to me.”

Poppi frowned. “Does Mòrag need sleep medication? Masterpon need it some nights, when he working too hard on latest project!”

That drew a quiet but sincere laugh from Mòrag. “No need for that, Poppi, but I thank you for your concern. I’ve always been a bit of a late sleeper. I get nights like this. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“But of course Poppi worry!” She thrust a finger at Mòrag’s chest. “Poppi care deeply about Mòrag!”

Mòrag’s cheeks brightened. “A-ah… it - it really isn’t…”

“She’s got a point, y’know.” Pandoria rested her hands on her hips. “If you stayin’ up late so often is something we can help with, let us know! You’d do the same for any of us, right?”

“But of course.”

“So let us do the same for you!”

“Ah, well…” Mòrag tugged the rim of her hat, still blushing. “...Thank you Pandoria, Poppi.” She coughed into her fist and stood. “H-how about we retire for the night, hmm? There is a spare room, if you do not mind sharing with myself.”

“Course I don’t mind, Brighid and Nia are the snorers.” Pandoria looped an arm through Mòrag’s own, grinning as her face became even brighter. She wiggled out her other arm, and felt Poppi’s cool limb link over her elbow. They must have made a right sight; Mor Adrain’s Special Inquisitor, Tantal’s most powerful Blade, and Alrest’s first artificial Blade, all linking arms while about to stumble up some steps, but Pandoria couldn’t care less about the opinions of others. Besides, only Dallin was here, and she was pretty sure she could hear snores coming from the counter. “Ready to go?” she asked with a cheeky grin aimed at Mòrag.

Mòrag’s response was, bless her, nothing more than a string of stutters and short “ah”s, before she glanced away with a slight pout.

“Poppi ready to go!”

“Try not to wake up everyone else,” Pandoria whispered. Poppi drew her finger across her mouth, her eyes grave, and it took everything Pandoria had not to squeal and wake up everyone herself. She was just _too_ cute!

“Shall we be off?” Mòrag mumbled, voice so quiet that Pandoria almost missed it.

“Yeah!” Pandoria beamed. “Let’s go and get some beauty rest!” She paused. “Not that any of us need it, of course. We’re all beautiful!”

“Indeed!”

Mòrag’s entire face was now aflame. Pandoria didn’t know that she could _blush_ that much; it was equal parts adorable and impressive.

With one final grin aimed at her friends, Pandoria led the march towards their room.

“...So what _were_ you two doing at this hour, anyway?”

“ _Definitely_ not lockpicking!” Poppi said. Pandoria tripped over a step.

Mòrag’s voice was amused. “Definitely not, hmm?”

“Absolutely zero chance! Less likely than Nia not swearing!”

“Pandoria,” Mòrag continued, sounding as gleeful as Pandoria had ever heard her. “I think you and I are going to have some _words_ tomorrow morning.”

“Aha… can’t wait!”


End file.
